KIMBERLEY CAMPBELL

12/20/2020

Setting boundaries for yourself

This wasn’t a post I thought I’d write until a few days ago, after having a hard conversation with a family member. After the conversation was done I thought to myself, what could I have done better? What can I do to make these conversations easier in the future? I also thought about what the term ‘hard conversation’ really means? I’ve concluded its a combination of vulnerability + emotion that can bring about a hard conversation and its in those conversations where things can de-rail easily. From my experience, here are the things I will remember for next time.

 

1) Set boundaries with yourself first

Boundaries are created and maintained by you, you are the one living with your boundaries and decisions. Set and make boundaries with yourself first before extending them to others. It’s important to feel confident in your decisions, if you can not live within the boundaries you are extending, re-evaluate them. No one is going to follow boundaries you are setting if you can’t follow them yourself. (Say boundaries one more time Kim!)

 

2) Take action

Express yourself by saying your boundaries or taking action to show your boundaries. This can be done by verbally telling others what you are expecting and how you are feeling, or by showing them. Nothing changes until actions are taken.

 

3) Speak with an open mind

You can combat confusion or anger in response to your boundaries, with a voice of reason. Stay open-minded and use phrases that do not bash the other person for having emotions. Stick to the reason why you’re having the conversation in the first place. While also remembering that allowing someone the ability to understand what you’re saying, does not mean baby-ing someone until they understand. Be there to provide explanation but you don’t have to continue to explain yourself after you already have. Those who care will respect your decisions, ask meaningful questions, and always let you explain yourself.

 

4) Be clear

The best boundaries are those that are entirely clear. Whether that’s through action and you show someone or through using your words and verbally saying it. Stating what you’d like clearly is just like stating the facts, examples: “I am looking for a relationship and want nothing less”, “I do not have enough time to do all the things on my to-do list”, “This conversation is no longer productive, let’s take a break and come back to it tomorrow” etc.

 

5) Accept that people might walk away

New standards means some people will not meet them and that is okay.

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The Macbell Clan